


The Various Assorted Incidents Of Daud's Former Whalers

by Ravenesta



Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, haha no seriously don't take this even a little bit seriously, pre-dh2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenesta/pseuds/Ravenesta
Summary: (Alternatively titled: A Comprehensive Informal Documentation Of Whaler Meme Culture)





	The Various Assorted Incidents Of Daud's Former Whalers

-Anyways, it’s not like any of them actually thought that it was  _ really  _ Corvo Attano that had moved into the villa with the orchard next door.

-’Cept, sure, they kinda remembered a big fuss in the papers about a new Royal Protector and  _ sure  _ Daud had been in a right foul mood the last month, but  _ still. _

-So the first look they all get at him is when they follow Daud across the fence when he storms over, yelling and ranting and raving about the racket that fucking awful wolfhound of his was making.

-The  _ Look  _ alone is the stuff of legends, lounging back in a chair on the porch with this wide-brimmed straw hat covering his entire face and the buttons of his shirt  _ entirely _ undone, with one hand buried in a bowl of fruit and the other blindly petting this greatass slobbering wolfhound.

-There are no fucks given by this man, which they find instantly admirable. There are  _ less  _ than no fucks, actually, there are  _ negative fucks, _ Corvo Attano has begun draining the Fuck Supply of at least three other dimensions and possibly the Void to convey how very  _ few  _ fucks there are.

-He removes one hand from the bowl of fruit and tips his hat up just  _ slightly,  _ and very slowly  _ blinks  _ at Daud from under the brim of it.

- _ “Not even one fuck,”  _ one of their rank whispers in awe, from a vantage point behind a bush.

- _ “Well?” _ Daud says, sounding somewhat strangled.

-The line is iconic. Irreplicable. Seared into their collective memories forever.

- _ “I’m an old man, Daud,” _ Corvo Attano, master assassin, drawls.  _ “Let me eat my grapes in peace.” _

-For emphasis, his hand returns to the fruit bowl and he finds a grape, tossing it in the general direction of his mouth and catching it without breaking eye contact with Daud.

-He has not stopped petting the wolfhound through the entire exchange. They find this to be immensely relatable, and it’s much appreciated. It looks like a Good Dog.

-Two days later, Daud’s finally cooled down enough that the room doesn’t clear like he’s got the plague soon as he enters. He walks into the kitchen for breakfast, starts spreading butter on a breadroll from the basket on the counter.

-He notices the slowly accumulating pile of dishes on the table. Notices that they are definitely more than a day old. Demands to know why nobody’s doing the Voiddamned chores in this house.

-There is silence, and then.

-And  _ then.  _

- _ “We’re old men, Daud,” _ someone says, evenly and very earnestly.  _ “Let us eat our grapes in peace.” _

**Author's Note:**

> so brend (@brendwell) and i had this dh au that we vaguely expanded on but we got into this really in detail discussion abt whaler meme culture so i'm writing it down


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